I was told to be more positive, but the truth is, I don’t know how to feel right now.
I’ve been trying more than ever not to care. Not to let it bother me that another girl slept in his bed. But it does. And I can’t even bring myself to even sit on that side of the bed. I was just able to use his shower again yesterday.
I’ve pushed all my emotions for him aside, and placed them in a box. I will not get burned again by being stupid.
But tonight he came home and laid with me, and held me in my bed. It made me feel loved, for once in a long time. He asked me how it made me feel. I told him I felt “secure”. It was a bullshit answer. I’m not opening that box again. He told me I could kiss him. God, I wanted to, but I couldn’t. Something I wanted for so long, and I couldn’t do it.
I just can’t open that box back up.